Video Games and Dissociation Disorder-A Clarification

This post was by far my most popular. It still gets hits all the time. I feel like I’m cheating people out of scientific research. All my posts are whiny hubbub.

Sorry to people who come here for that blog post. But thanks for reading.

As for as my experience regarding the content, I still experience this frequently. Dissociation disorder is one of the more forefront factors in my daily life. Unfortunately. I know when it’s happening like coming up for air after diving for hours. I realize “oh hey this day feels funny I’m so gone lol what’s a blue mean” and then back under I go.

These days usually house my extreme actions. Also they’re related to the mania (thanks bipolar) and lead to the over-zealous goals that are never accomplished and lead to the ever-present feelings of failure and worthlessness. Just, dissociation in general I guess. Also binge eating and basic poor impulse control. 

It’s a curious phenomena I don’t see referenced very often. Either it’s under-diagnosed, not usually an issue for people, or just kind of rare. I see borderline personality disorder a lot more often. Which is another one of the boxes I get to tick on health history forms. Now that’s a weird issue. Usually associated with the “temper tantrums” (my stepmom called them that when I was in high school. Really it was just a long-beaded-timeline full of acute psychoses) we think people who “just want attention” portray.

Anyway, this is why I have to usually put aside time to watch movies, play video games, or read books during the day. I have such a difficult time processing reality as reality at any given time as is, adding to that by incorporating unusual narratives, intense emotions, or generalized anxiety just exacerbate my already pathetic-ness.

What was I talking about?


Free Associations

Yesterday I published my 100th blog post on this here site dedicated to both cats and candy. It was wasted on being angry at the world. I guess I’ll take it.

I’m watching Matt play Alien: Isolation right now and it’s very entertaining. I like to watch it but hate being scared. Plus I’m pretty sure he has a love/hate relationship with me entitling the giant scary alien monster guy to a name so innocent as Timmy. “Timmy, NOOOO!” “Timmy people aren’t food” “Oh, Timmy’s over there.” “Use your Timmy Finder!”

This is the second day I’ve missed the gym. Well, skipped the gym. Not like I “oops” no gym-ed. Just didn’t feel like gyming. Is that good eating disorder recovery attitude? Good. Regardless.

It’s would have, not would of.

I’m terrified of taking the RHDS exam because I’m 100% sure I’m a complete moron. Maybe one day they’ll let me work from home in the job I took years to learn and re-learn how to do (community college repeated itself so much I could’ve just done one year probably. AAS Condensed degree: If only).

Guns are scary and they fire randomly whenever one’s near me, I think.

Same with garbage disposals. And like, railings over high places? Don’t lean on them because they’ll break. In fact, stay away from high places. Even better, stay home. Good thoughts, self. Thanks, self. You’re welcome. Hey, did you remember to do that thing? Shit, self. Do the thing!

Where was I?

Health insurance is so dumb. Well, kind of. People’s perception of health insurance is so dumb. Did you know health insurance claims are meant to be filed by the patient and doctors’ offices file them out of curtesy? That means don’t be a turdnugget about YOUR insurance to your doctors’ offices.

Also just don’t be a turdnugget. I’m speaking to a bunch of brick walls, I feel. Actually, right now I’m not talking at all. I’m typing. And multitasking in that Matt’s talking about it raining inside a space station. Pretty sure it’s not supposed to be rain, but the sprinkler system from the fires that just seem to be everywhere. Everything lights on fire by itself when bad things happen to a place, obviously. Known fact. Bad things? Fire. First step. Concrete on fire, bricks on fire, probably like dirt on fire.

Bad things are like bad.

Back in the day I tried to stop saying like. It makes me feel so metaphorical. Like I’m putting more into what I’m saying than what I’m thinking or saying, y’know? Y’know: there’s another filler. And ums. And uhs. And so. I had a teacher in college I called Mrs. OkaySo. “Okay, so…” Okay, so, like, think before you speak. Don’t be a hypocrite. SHIT.


I eated fishes today was nummy.

My chiropractor suggested getting back rubs and I feel worse asking for backrubs when they’re doctor’s orders than I did before. Before I was like BACKRUBNOW  now I’m like no touchy.

Damn, Emperor’s New Groove is such a great movie especially the llama face part. Agree? Good.

“I’d like to point out that I never did get my thrameflower back.”

He said it right. But that’s how that comes in my head-orb.

Think before you speak. Don’t be a hypocrite. Two good life lessons I fuck up, often about the same time.


I need to take out my contacts and put on pants that let me forget I’ve gained 32 pounds in 14 monthsCIAO

~We interrupt this broadcast to take you back to a world that makes sense and is like better~