Plannin’ Dreamin’

So by now you all probably know that I complain about not having a bachelor’s or master’s degree like, all the time. I feel really lame that my college degree is just an associate’s, because I swore to myself that I’d get farther in education.

I mean, I have a weird addiction for learning. I may not retain as much as I’d like (as far as facts ‘n’ things) but I do enjoy the experience of school and learning new information. Honestly my dream job would be cat haven owner slash professional student.

My original plan was to major in pharmacology and run clinical trials and do the chemistry thing, but then I was doing really well in music in school and not so well in AP Chemistry in school, so I switched to music performance and theory.

Then I screwed up my first year and a half or so of college (blame it on the bipolar or on me being lazy or crazy I don’t care. I got over it.), and so decided to stick with a degree Metropolitan Community College could provide.

My stepdad is a big-deal accountant there so until I turned 23, it was all free for me. I got a free associate’s degree in Health Management (technically a business major) so that’s pretty cool in its own right, I guess.

Regardless of all that and trying to make myself feel satisfied with the “at least I have a degree” argument, I still always feel so jealous when people talk to me about their masters and things.

So after a couple of years of consideration (I graduated in spring 2014), a pretty solid understanding that I’ll be broke forever regardless, and a chat with my manager, I decided to go back to school full time.

Totally switching gears from anything else I’ve ever considered and landed on accounting.

There are a few reasons I picked accounting, and I don’t feel like really bringing up any of them. I just did J

My stepdad (the one at Metro), a family friend, and probably someone else I know who I don’t remember are all accountants, and I feel like it could be really good for me.

Plus I get to take a bunch of electives! Electives are my favorite. I get to take another history class or 2, some biology, some chemistry, some women’s studies…. Life is good.

September 6th is when the new quarter begins. After what I assume will be a few years at Metro (electives, the cheap stuff, etc) I plan on transferring those credits to UNO and hopefully, eventually, move on to get my Master’s. It’s going to cost me so much money. I don’t want to have to rely on student loans, so down the road I’ll either have to take a very long time going part-time to school to pay for it out of pocket, or get a lot of grants. Thinking about it is stressing me out.

Anyway the ultimate goal is, in fact, getting my CPA or CMA. Haven’t quite weighed the pros and cons of each yet. We’ll get there.

Extra plus side: my current company has its own accounting department, so maybe by the time I’m finished in school they’ll have a spot for me. I like it there.

Then I’ll make a bajillion dollars a year and retire early with 283 cats and be happy and skinny and never crave pasta again.

Hashtag: the dream.

Peace off. Happy Monday.

(P.S. full time students get tax benefits. Fight for your right to party, my friends.)


Studyin’ Blogs

There is a specific group of blogs and Instagram accounts where lazy stationery lovers like me go to feel jealous and insignificant. I’m not sure what it’s called outside of Tumblr, but people there call themselves studyblrs. It’s gorgeous. Along with these blogs, oftentimes, are posts of Bujo – or bullet journaling. (BulletJournal.Com if you’re curious.)

If anyone from that community is reading this I’ll bet they’re cringing. Sorry! I’m trying to explain for people who don’t already know!

From a pretty young age I started collecting blank journals and notebooks because I would feel inspired by them. I was never a good writer, though, and only a slightly-above-average student, so they didn’t always get used to their full potential. I just love organization and office supplies.

First off I’d like to brag that the main point of the BuJo thing (“analog system for the digital age”) is a habit I’ve kept from early on. I’ve always preferred paper planners to electronic ones; except for when I had my Palm Pixi phone. That thing was perfect. But anyway. If you search for BuJo on Instagram or Google Images or whatever you’ll see some of the awesome things these people do. Mine are only okay – I’ve only recently started designing mine like people will see it, because I’ve started taking my own pictures to post online. Also my handwriting is shit.

Starting mid-high school I turned my regular planner over to a journal/planner combo. I would write important dates/make calendars/make lists and all that, but in between those pages I would use it as a normal journal. One of the ways I journal best is drawing? I’m an awful artist, so it’s difficult to explain. But I would use colors and symbolism in a way that pretty much just made sense to me. But it was very therapeutic. Especially because as you’re reading this blog there’s no doubt in your mind that I have trouble putting thoughts and words together. I’m basically an infant with a laptop and a lot of mental issues.

Even though I don’t follow most of the “rules” laid out by BuJo’s developer, Ryder Carrol, it’s still a really awesome base system and I recommend it to everyone.

I burned all the old ones. I should have kept some if only to post a “best of” or something. Or maybe it’s best this way. I think I took pictures before I burned them… but those are most likely long gone. I used a lot of reds and blacks. #emokid

So onto the second main point: Studyspo! (Study blogs, study inspiration… Tumblr has weird mash-up words for things. Tumblr is weird.)

If you know me IRL, chances are you’re aware that I do have a college degree. I’m pausing before and giving some space in between before saying it’s only an associate’s, because truth be told, I’m embarrassed of that. I fucking love learning. I love going to classes and taking notes and studying and drinking black coffee 4 dayz until I’m exhausted and go out with friends to unwind~

That was my life for a couple of years, but now that I work full time during the week days instead of spread out over double shifts in like 4 days (serving/bartending), it’s not really feasible for me to go back to school for my bachelor’s. Eventually I would have wanted a Pharmaceutical Doctorate, because pharmacology was my dream. Then I worked at Walgreen’s and got disillusioned because people are awful and terrible and mean and the pharmacists are just a cog in a money-making corporate machine; not healthcare and welfare. Just saying.

Pharmacology would have been the science and behind-the-scenes and clinical trials. But in this day and age my conscious couldn’t keep up with that goal. Chemistry is cool and all, but greed isn’t.

Did I just get too political? Oops.

Now though I’d be happy with a Bachelor’s or Master’s in something fascinating. I don’t even know what. I’m honestly pretty easily fascinated. I want to go back to school but we technically make too much for me to get grants and we’re just now almost out of debt. I’m not about to dive headlong first into it again. Plus we need to buy a house and all the extra furniture and maintenance that comes with that… I can’t afford it. I really can’t. I could make it work, obviously. But it’s not a necessity because I have a decently paying job that I actually like (plus a second job that I don’t really like but that pays me) already.

But back to the point?

Sorry. I’m home sick. My brain is even more absent than normal. Plus I know none of you come here for quality. If you do you’re wrong. Obviouslyl.

Studyspo posts such lovely photos of notes and note taking skills and pretty desk-scapes and flashcards and highlighters and pens ❤ My heart ❤

I still go through old textbooks, and sometimes even buy new textbooks for my non-existent classes, and try to learn things from them, but I’m jealous of all these youngins getting to go to school and college and take advantage of their better education system than what I had.

My high school rewarded mediocrity. It really did.

I still look at these posts with affection though. They give me inspiration to maybe one day be able to go back to school as an old fucking hag and be totally left out and weird 🙂

One day!

Community College Woes

Community colleges are great! We have several in our larger metro area, and they attract lots of people who wouldn’t otherwise have gotten an education. They help to get jobs quickly or keep jobs by offering classes that are applicable to the real world. Most of them offer clubs, honor societies, and even housing. And (they’ve always told me) an associate’s degree is better than no degree. Even though most people use an associate’s degree as a transfer degree from community college to a 4 year.

My problem with it, however, is how going to a community college makes me feel. I’m not a mom with a full time job struggling to advance in my career. I graduated from high school less than 5 years ago. I very well could have gone to a university. Sadly, the prestige surrounding going to a 4 year college is something I don’t think I’ll ever have.

It’s possible that I could transfer to a university to pursue my original career goals (pharmacy), but I’m so anxious all the time, and (frankly) so broke and afraid of loans that chances are I’ll just finish my little associate’s degree and work at home with my cats all day for forever. And I already regret it. But I’ve weighed the pros and cons of going to school for another 5-6 years and making more money a year versus starting a career with wages similar to a teacher’s earlier on. It’s a medical transcription degree I’m currently going for, so it’s not easy mindless work exactly. If all goes well I’ll still be able to afford a semi-nice house with at least one wet bar.

Back to my original point: community college itself. It’s difficult for me to get motivated about learning when I expected myself doing something different. It seems most of my teachers, advisers, and fellow classmates don’t even really put a lot into the work they do there, and the apathy is contagious. Most teachers there don’t seem to care too much about the subject matter. They don’t get me excited to learn. They’re just there to grade, it seems. They also have a bad habit of making everything way too easy for students. There’s already the curriculum. My thoughts are that if you have a student struggling with a part of the curriculum, teach them or send them somewhere that another person can help them. Don’t bring the whole class down to their level.

Also, this quarter my head isn’t in it (probably has something to do with summertime) and I keep forgetting to turn things in. It just happened again where I turned in the wrong version of homework and got 1 point out of 50. Hopefully she’ll accept the new one.

Happy Wednesday.


100s of Cats

My life is governed by rules and lists. Most of them I’ve made because simple daily tasks generally have me feeling overwhelmed. I label things and make formulas for almost everything. If I was my own roommate, I would kick me out. I’m way too strict.

I have a formula for my morning activities. It’s how long everything I like to do in the morning takes, and I add or subtract from the time I need to be there, leave, and wake up. I use this every morning before work, especially. I have a checklist next to the names of vitamins I take, and a checklist for how often I’ve worked out. There’s a tally and goal sheet for going soda-free. I have a 7-day dry erase board that is labeled with everything I’d like to accomplish daily. If I check everything off 7 days in a row I get myself something. The kind of things on there include: study at least a little bit, work out, eat healthy, drink enough water, etc.

My closet is labeled. The labels are very specific, too, because what if I go clothes shopping? If one item isn’t exactly a blouse but isn’t exactly casual there needs to be a section for it. Also it’s all separated by how loosely they fit. There have been moments when I’m folding laundry and almost panic because I won’t know where to put something. What if I can’t find it again because I’m an incompetent labeler?

At work I keep lists of things that are best done before my shift, during it, and after in order to make the most of my time spent there. I also keep a checklist in my book about things to say or do to make the most out of every table and keep the managers happy. I make checklists for new people I’m training, too. That’s at least helpful to someone, I hope.

I have rules posted in my room or stapled in my Rule Book (it’s a little embarrassing, but yes) for things like when I’m allowed to have soda, how often I do laundry for work clothes, regular clothes, white clothes, bed sheets and the like. I have specific rules for dusting and cleaning, such as where to start and what material to use. There’s a rule for how often I should inventory my books, and what days I should wear certain socks or other underwears.

One of the more healthy lists is my weight loss goals and prizes list. For each “goal weight” I have a posted, visualized prize that I buy/give myself when reached! I’ve always been told not to reward myself with food, so I use things like new books, dresses, and bubble baths instead. My “ultimate” goal gets a trip to Kobe Steakhouse, though. I love that place. Can’t nobody hold me back from delicious food like that. Umami ❤

For school work I have rules for studying/reading chapters, and every section of notes has to be consistent. I’ll re read a chapter and take notes on it again before I have inconsistency in my notebook. I keep a percentage of credits until completion and have an excel spreadsheet meant to calculate my GPA for me all the time. It’s nice to know, and I tend to forget what classes I’ve taken.

And those were some. I’m not sure if my analness actually does me good or not, but it feels like it. I like having this very controlled environment. I can avoid “What do I do?” shutdowns and find time to enjoy things more. That is the ultimate goal, afterall. Enjoyment and happiness. And to have 100 cats.