Studyin’ Blogs

There is a specific group of blogs and Instagram accounts where lazy stationery lovers like me go to feel jealous and insignificant. I’m not sure what it’s called outside of Tumblr, but people there call themselves studyblrs. It’s gorgeous. Along with these blogs, oftentimes, are posts of Bujo – or bullet journaling. (BulletJournal.Com if you’re curious.)

If anyone from that community is reading this I’ll bet they’re cringing. Sorry! I’m trying to explain for people who don’t already know!

From a pretty young age I started collecting blank journals and notebooks because I would feel inspired by them. I was never a good writer, though, and only a slightly-above-average student, so they didn’t always get used to their full potential. I just love organization and office supplies.

First off I’d like to brag that the main point of the BuJo thing (“analog system for the digital age”) is a habit I’ve kept from early on. I’ve always preferred paper planners to electronic ones; except for when I had my Palm Pixi phone. That thing was perfect. But anyway. If you search for BuJo on Instagram or Google Images or whatever you’ll see some of the awesome things these people do. Mine are only okay – I’ve only recently started designing mine like people will see it, because I’ve started taking my own pictures to post online. Also my handwriting is shit.

Starting mid-high school I turned my regular planner over to a journal/planner combo. I would write important dates/make calendars/make lists and all that, but in between those pages I would use it as a normal journal. One of the ways I journal best is drawing? I’m an awful artist, so it’s difficult to explain. But I would use colors and symbolism in a way that pretty much just made sense to me. But it was very therapeutic. Especially because as you’re reading this blog there’s no doubt in your mind that I have trouble putting thoughts and words together. I’m basically an infant with a laptop and a lot of mental issues.

Even though I don’t follow most of the “rules” laid out by BuJo’s developer, Ryder Carrol, it’s still a really awesome base system and I recommend it to everyone.

I burned all the old ones. I should have kept some if only to post a “best of” or something. Or maybe it’s best this way. I think I took pictures before I burned them… but those are most likely long gone. I used a lot of reds and blacks. #emokid

So onto the second main point: Studyspo! (Study blogs, study inspiration… Tumblr has weird mash-up words for things. Tumblr is weird.)

If you know me IRL, chances are you’re aware that I do have a college degree. I’m pausing before and giving some space in between before saying it’s only an associate’s, because truth be told, I’m embarrassed of that. I fucking love learning. I love going to classes and taking notes and studying and drinking black coffee 4 dayz until I’m exhausted and go out with friends to unwind~

That was my life for a couple of years, but now that I work full time during the week days instead of spread out over double shifts in like 4 days (serving/bartending), it’s not really feasible for me to go back to school for my bachelor’s. Eventually I would have wanted a Pharmaceutical Doctorate, because pharmacology was my dream. Then I worked at Walgreen’s and got disillusioned because people are awful and terrible and mean and the pharmacists are just a cog in a money-making corporate machine; not healthcare and welfare. Just saying.

Pharmacology would have been the science and behind-the-scenes and clinical trials. But in this day and age my conscious couldn’t keep up with that goal. Chemistry is cool and all, but greed isn’t.

Did I just get too political? Oops.

Now though I’d be happy with a Bachelor’s or Master’s in something fascinating. I don’t even know what. I’m honestly pretty easily fascinated. I want to go back to school but we technically make too much for me to get grants and we’re just now almost out of debt. I’m not about to dive headlong first into it again. Plus we need to buy a house and all the extra furniture and maintenance that comes with that… I can’t afford it. I really can’t. I could make it work, obviously. But it’s not a necessity because I have a decently paying job that I actually like (plus a second job that I don’t really like but that pays me) already.

But back to the point?

Sorry. I’m home sick. My brain is even more absent than normal. Plus I know none of you come here for quality. If you do you’re wrong. Obviouslyl.

Studyspo posts such lovely photos of notes and note taking skills and pretty desk-scapes and flashcards and highlighters and pens ❤ My heart ❤

I still go through old textbooks, and sometimes even buy new textbooks for my non-existent classes, and try to learn things from them, but I’m jealous of all these youngins getting to go to school and college and take advantage of their better education system than what I had.

My high school rewarded mediocrity. It really did.

I still look at these posts with affection though. They give me inspiration to maybe one day be able to go back to school as an old fucking hag and be totally left out and weird 🙂

One day!

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Community College Papers 101

So I wrote my final reflection paper for my final graduation-required course in about an hour and a half last night. It was a 5 page paper. It was done while some scary show was on TV behind me and I was still slightly tipsy from beers at dinner. I thought the teacher would read it begrudgingly asking herself why she ever became a teacher because she hated crap poured into keyboards like this, but this was her real response:

“GRADE: 250

Your first paragraph pulled me right into your paper!  Very honest, from the heart paper.  I liked it a lot!  Your last paragraph, While it’s one thing to want to learn as much as possible, it’s another to put it into practice. And the practice makes perfect. Most importantly, I think college has taught me self-motivation. I learned what it takes to be successful, at least the first steps I can take and resources I can utilize along the way. It was all worth it.” needs to be something ALL students in college need to think about.

Well done Ashley.  You should be so proud of yourself.  I am proud of you.  You are a role model for your family showing them how hard work and determination got you to where you wanted to be today!”

And here I thought the instructor hated me.

Well, I must’ve learned something in college.

Oh, and that “It was all worth it” sentence made me physically cringe as I typed it. I’m not sure what this teacher was thinking giving me 100%, but I’ll take it!

Lately

Recently it’s been a bit difficult to make myself talk about things in blog form at least once a week, but right now I’m a few beers in and figured I’d just go for it. Let’s start by complaining about things!

All I want to do is play tennis and read books. Why do I have to do all of this adult stuff? Why doesn’t Matt want to share just one car with me to save money when we grow up? Why do white strips make my teeth hurt so badly?

Who controls the traffic light by the gas station? Honestly sometimes I think I wait there for 3-5 minutes like, I need to go home. Why am I such an obnoxious drunk?

Why do pill bugs like my basement so much? Why does my mom always take my little vacuum and not tell me? I can’t find it. I don’t know where it is.

Why doesn’t my Marauder’s Map prop actually make sense? Why can’t I portion control? Why am I so anxious all the time? Why do people think tipping $4 on $74 is okay?

Maybe I should stop with the why’s. I have a stack of mail from the last two weeks I’m too afraid to look through. And a growling stomach begging to be stuffed with goodies and no calories left to do so today. I have homework to be done and a concert to go to in two days and sweater to buy for the dress I need to fit into. I have to unpack my overnight bag and get ready for bed and start a load of laundry and maybe journal a little about my insecurities and my frustrations and my goal weight.

I need to dust and organize and vacuum and plan how many calories a day I’m allowed to have this week to get down to where I was last week. I need to work out again because I’m anxious and I need to complain to my journal about being anxious and hate working out and I need to finish that one episode of Merlin that I never finished from that one time I forgot I had to take a test.

Have a happy Wednesday. Sorry for the rambling. See ya later.

Community College Woes

Community colleges are great! We have several in our larger metro area, and they attract lots of people who wouldn’t otherwise have gotten an education. They help to get jobs quickly or keep jobs by offering classes that are applicable to the real world. Most of them offer clubs, honor societies, and even housing. And (they’ve always told me) an associate’s degree is better than no degree. Even though most people use an associate’s degree as a transfer degree from community college to a 4 year.

My problem with it, however, is how going to a community college makes me feel. I’m not a mom with a full time job struggling to advance in my career. I graduated from high school less than 5 years ago. I very well could have gone to a university. Sadly, the prestige surrounding going to a 4 year college is something I don’t think I’ll ever have.

It’s possible that I could transfer to a university to pursue my original career goals (pharmacy), but I’m so anxious all the time, and (frankly) so broke and afraid of loans that chances are I’ll just finish my little associate’s degree and work at home with my cats all day for forever. And I already regret it. But I’ve weighed the pros and cons of going to school for another 5-6 years and making more money a year versus starting a career with wages similar to a teacher’s earlier on. It’s a medical transcription degree I’m currently going for, so it’s not easy mindless work exactly. If all goes well I’ll still be able to afford a semi-nice house with at least one wet bar.

Back to my original point: community college itself. It’s difficult for me to get motivated about learning when I expected myself doing something different. It seems most of my teachers, advisers, and fellow classmates don’t even really put a lot into the work they do there, and the apathy is contagious. Most teachers there don’t seem to care too much about the subject matter. They don’t get me excited to learn. They’re just there to grade, it seems. They also have a bad habit of making everything way too easy for students. There’s already the curriculum. My thoughts are that if you have a student struggling with a part of the curriculum, teach them or send them somewhere that another person can help them. Don’t bring the whole class down to their level.

Also, this quarter my head isn’t in it (probably has something to do with summertime) and I keep forgetting to turn things in. It just happened again where I turned in the wrong version of homework and got 1 point out of 50. Hopefully she’ll accept the new one.

Happy Wednesday.

 

Little Red Schoolhouse

This post has been on my mind for a while now. Mostly because this quarter school has taken up about 85% of the time I’m not sleeping or at work. Most of my college’s classes are either fully online now, or are offered in a hybrid format using Angle LMS. I think I hate Angel LMS.

First of all, personally I have not benefited at all through the use of an online learning system. Honestly I learn better by having to write things than typing them (probably because I type too quickly). I like having to highlight information, sift through papers, write down my answers, turn them in on paper, and get direct feedback written on them for a more visual experience.

Having to do all homework through Microsoft Word documents and upload boxes leaves so much room for technology errors, especially with such a glitchy system. There always seems to be something wrong with Angel. I hate how in order to do school work I have to be at a computer. I hate how I have a habit of buying pretty office supplies like pens and notebooks and rarely get to use them.

Part of my excitement for school is not just the learning but the process of learning requiring real paper and real ink. It’s just frustrating to me that very few classes use traditional class methods lately.

For now I’ll just content myself making more notes than what’s necessary in my notebooks to get my fix.

Happy Wednesday.

Boredom – If That’s What You Want to Call It

Recently I saw a quote online that had to do with boredom and it got me to thinking. I like to say I’m bored a lot. It’s not actually true. I suffer from the too-big-of-a-to-do-list-to-want-to-do-any-of-it dilemma (too many hypens?), and I try to find something more fun to do instead. Then I say I’m bored. Sometimes I just sit and think about anything and everything, feeling more “bored” than just lazy or not in the mood to do other things.

Too often though I sit doing nothing (reading, surfing the internet, or just petting the cat) when I know there are so many things I should be doing. Surely that’s not a problem that I suffer alone. It’s easy to assume many people do that, but I’m really mean to myself about it. For example: Just last week I got home from work late at night knowing I had a lot of homework to do, and I worked early the next morning. Instead of doing any studying or anything I sat on my bed feeling “bored” and sorry for myself. It doesn’t make sense, but I’ve been doing things like that for years. Even in middle school I would get bored cleaning my room (necessary before I was allowed to play outside) and decide to just stay in instead.
Maybe it’s a good thing I’m so content to just sit. But then, why does my attention span give me so much grief when I’m with friends or trying to concentrate on something? Everything is just so confusing.

If only I knew a better word than “bored” to use in these instances. I’ll probably keep using it. My vocabulary isn’t extensive enough to try anything else.

“The man who lets himself be bored is more contemptible than the bore.”
-Samuel Butler