Whine O’Clock

I typed this when I got home for tumblr because I felt so venty. I need to go see more doctors and maybe get new medicine but $$$???

I have permanent nerve damage in 2 places on my body. My neck (c6 and c7) and my hip (SI joint).

I also have a recurring cyst in my wrist (too in-the-middle to reach via needle and surgery is stupid for my dominant wrist so I have to wait for it to burst on its own and then it grows back every few months) and plantar fasciitis to the point that my right ankle only has 25% the range of motion that it should and my left ankle only has 60%. Hopefully that’s been improving with my stretches and the boot I have to wear to bed, but it still hurts to walk. All day; not just the mornings.

I have pleuritis that acts up every now and then. I get ACTUAL migraines once or twice a year. I have GERD. I have overactive bladder and digestive issues yet to be diagnosed.

I have psoriasis and eczema seemingly like everywhere on me, and both shoulders don’t like to rotate my arms above my head, so I have to baby them. (I literally push my right arm up with my left arm pushing up on the elbow to wash my hair some mornings. Did that make sense?)

I have bone fragments left between 3 knuckles from breaking them in high school and never getting them set. I also have a poorly-healed hairline fracture on my scaphoid from sparring. (Those things are my fault.)

I hurt almost everywhere ALL THE TIME.

I AM NEVER FREE FROM PAIN.

EVER.

And no one I know understands. Maybe just one person. But I don’t think she reads this. A lot of people have pains here and there, or more like “aches.” Mine need constant pain medication or I’m stuck at home crying. I would rather die than only depend on ibuprofen and naproxen.

I just had an episode on a Main Street in my city where I had to pull over from a nerve spasm from my neck to my pinky finger and up and down that side of my back. It hurt so bad I immediately started bawling like a goddamn baby.

I complain and people say things like “my neck hurts too” and it’s just frustrating.

I hurt so badly. All the time. No one understands it.

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