Last year like springtime I made a post similar to this one I’m making now. I read it again because I was feeling nostalgic for the days I blogged more often.
Reading this post was a breath of fresh air in my stalemate battle to be happier. I’m not drowning currently, but I’m not as well off and stable as I’d like to be. The medications are doing all the work for me right now. Deep down? I’d like to change that. I want to feel good again instead of just “there.”
Last spring was the one taste of happiness I’ve ever really sampled. It was very appealing. I like to think I can get there again; and for good this time. I just have to notice “the little things,” and avoid dwelling on any bad things. That’s a big first step for me. Especially because my self talk is shit and has always been shit and at this point I don’t feel confident it’ll ever be anything but shit. My depression gives me blinders, but when I remember how much I love to decorate for the seasons, and remember the squirrels and birds and the way the sun glows through the trees, and remember the feel of soft pajamas under my heated blanket with my cat and a good book, and remember that overall I’m much better off than before. Then, I get hopeful. Which is a step in itself.
Getting hopeful means remembering there’s another way to be. I’d like to be another way, please.