I Should Never Become A Comedian

Remember when those 4 redneck guys had that really popular comedy thing together? A super popular bit, if I recall correctly, was “You Might Be A Redneck If…” For the life of me, I can’t remember any examples, but you probably remember it. If not, I feel a title like that should be pretty self-explanatory.

Anyway.

Over the years, I’ve reminded myself of this comedy bit, but I tend to list things more along the lines of “You Might Have An Eating Disorder If…”

I find myself scoffing, truly laughing, or shaking my head over some of the things I do or think or say or worry about. These things related to “You Might Have An Eating Disorder If…”

I shock myself by how vain, how narrow minded, preoccupied, how self centered and ridiculous I can be.

When I got a stomach bug over the weekend rendering me NPO (unable to take food or fluids by mouth) I was excited about the weight loss. The short ER trip reminded me of less happy days, but that didn’t matter at the time. I did some Googling and read how people lost 5, 10, 15 pounds with the same virus I had.

When all was said and done, I was the exact. Same. Weight.

I was legitimately upset.

I was shocked by how stupid I am.

I probably have an eating disorder if…

Thanks, norovirus, for nothing.

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