La La Land

There was a time about a year ago when all I had were bad dreams. Bad dreams about this, bad dreams about that, bad dreams about the most random, irrelevant things. They just gave me bad feelings. Recently I had stopped being able to remember my dreams. Before either or those I had a healthy mixture of good, bad, and neutral dreams and periods of not remembering any. (One day I’m going to try and figure out if it has to do with my moods at all.) It’s been a while since I’ve such terrible dreams, though. Dreams that not only leave bad feeling residue, but that actually wake me up crying and scared. A few days ago it was a nightmare about my job. I woke up all startled a few times, but I kept going back to it when I fell asleep again.

Forgetting tables, countless joiners… Each table had to make sure I was embarrassed. A free dinner and all the apologies wouldn’t work. My manager turned into the server at Old Chicago who doesn’t like me. I know I’m not alone in this because at work we’ll compare our worst nightmares in serving and what can happen to make the dreams worse, such as working a lot or having high stress on top of working a lot. We also compare real life serving nightmares.

Which leads me to one of my greatest wonders in life: Why are people mean just to be mean? What did I do to you? Anyway that’s a point I made already and I won’t bore you complaining about it again. (Be nice.)

I find it interesting how often my bad dreams involve my cat. My poor cat. My unconscious brain really likes him to get attacked or locked inside without food. He always makes little meow-crys and it’s so sad! A few nights ago involved guns and the kind of dreams where  being shot feels very realistic, and so does your fiance getting murdered right next to you… *gags a little.

I wouldn’t even say my brain is in a worse place than usual. Why can’t I dream of sunshine and free cat rent? Why can’t I dream of zero-calorie foods and world peace? Stupid brain. I’m tempted to say again what I used to always say about a year ago, that I hate dreaming. What’s the point if I’m not flying or saving cats and eating candy? (There you go, David.)

Maybe it’s only a matter of time until I start having screamy dreams again. Those are the worst because they scare you and the people you live with. Have you ever noticed that screamy dreams aren’t scary at all when you wake up again? I have. The transition is really odd, too.

In other news, smoothies made from vanilla yogurt, fresh blueberries, and fresh raspberries are delicious. And Seedy.

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