Looking beyond what might be considered the obvious, I’ve been trying to figure out what has gotten me in a funk lately. Yes, the weather could be a huge contributing factor, but there has been sun, and this winter/spring won’t last forever, so deep down I know that’s not it. I’ve been having binge-like behaviors, so maybe I’m stressed. Ok, yes, sure, but I have good grades, a lot of fun things to look forward to, and I lightened my load a little by having fewer hours at work a week. I don’t think it’s just the stress.
I haven’t been as tidy as I’d like to be lately. My mail has been stacking up and I still have a shopping bag full of stuff yet to put away from last Monday. Only today did I finally fold all my clean clothes. But my workout routine is working for me and I’ve been able to complete it often enough. I’m under no severe financial stress. My personal relationships are dandy. My cat is fluffy.
Why oh why do I feel so down in the dumps? Is it because I’m almost done with Doctor Who? My jeans are a little tighter than they were last week? My yellow tulips died?
I think I’m just not used to feeling content. Subconsciously I feel sad/worried/deprived of fulfillment because that’s what I’m used to. When I’m really sad and I know I’m sad I go shopping and spend too much or overeat and feel bad about it. When I’m really sad I’ll make bad choices because I think they’ll make me happy, but I know I’ll have consequences. Aren’t vicious cycles fun?
I haven’t “let” myself go on a spending spree recently, and I’ve been trying very hard to watch what I eat including limiting my soda intake again. It had gotten out of hand.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt like myself. I wish this cognofog would lift so I could post something interesting or memorable. I just keep worrying and craving.